The Endless Summer

Unless you’re independently wealthy, you probably can’t afford to send your kids away to camp for a month. Wow, a month…that would be frickin’ awesome!

Sorry, I was drifting there...

In fact, depending on your financial situation, you may not be able to sign them up for all sorts of summer activities (Day Camps, Swimming lessons…) If that’s the case, you’re probably wondering what the hell to do to keep your little ones occupied until school starts. Well, here are a few ideas to keep the monkeys busy.

Now, I should probably tell you that I HATE summer. Yup, you heard right. I hate the heat, I hate the humidity, and the sun is just a gaseous ball of annoyance that can, in my opinion, go f*ck itself.

Personal feelings aside, summer is a time for kids. They should be outdoors, running around and having fun. NOT sitting inside and air conditioned house playing on the computer. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to spend the summer indoors playing on the computer but we’re not talking about me.


Here are my Top Five Cheap Summer Activities:

1. Outdoor Splash Pads – This is my All-Time Favorite! The kids love it and it's free! At least it is where I live; you may have to pay a small admission fee but it's well worth it considering the energy your kids will expel for the next few hours. Arrive early and secure a spot under a tree/umbrella because you’re not the only person who will be thinking of taking the kids to the splash park. That’s for damn sure!

2. Kite Flying – This is one of those activities best reserved for a windy day (Duh) If you attempt flying a kite when it’s NOT windy, and the humidity is 90-100%, you will give yourself a stroke…a heart attack at the very least. However, if conditions are just right, head over to the dollar store and grab yourself a kite. If you manage to keep it in the sky for longer than 10 seconds, your kids will think you’re a god. Also, when the kite crashes a ¼ mile away, it’s nice to have to have someone around to go get it.

3. The Library – The library is a perfect place to take the kids on those days that are WAY too hot for outdoor play. The bigger the library, the better. They have all kinds of free activities for the kids to participate in but remember, this is a LIBRARY and all of the activities are literary based. If your kids catch wind that they are learning during summer vacation, they will turn on you.


4. Hiking / Bike Trails – These trails can be found all over the place. They’re free and are a great way for the kids to get some exercise. Personally I’ve never used a hiking or bike trail since I don’t have a bike and walking is for losers. But hey, if that’s your thing, enjoy!

5. Pools – Swimming is one of the BEST ways to keep your kids active and healthy. Now, I can’t stand public pools. They’re always packed and you pay way too much just for a chlorine bath. Take my advice; find a friend with a pool…anyone. Even if you’re not keen on the person, it’s well worth a few hours of inane banter in the backyard so that your kids can have a great time frolicking in a private pool.

Well, there are my Top Five Summertime Activities that will barely make a dent in your wallet. So toss on a hat, put on your shades, lather on the sunscreen and go have some fun!

How do you discipline your kids?

Everyone has their own style of discipline that they use when the little ones are out of control. Personally, I LOVE using the “Countdown”. Now, some may say that the countdown doesn’t always work or the kids will just wait until you reach zero and then nothing happens. To those people I say, “You’re not doing it right”.

When performing the countdown, you can’t be wishy-washy about it and squeak out the numbers. (Hell, that would make me laugh more than anything) Nope, you have to holler those numbers out like it’s a self destruct sequence bellowing from a loud speaker in a chemical weapons facility.

5-4-3-2-1…BOOM!!

It also helps to start using the countdown at an early age. That way, you’ve built up a Pavlovian conditioning with the kids. When I do it, my kids franticly scramble around, banging into each other and they think the world is coming to an end. It may sound harsh but it works…Every time.

Growing up, my Mom did most of the disciplining and with three boys running riot, she got quite good at it. A solid spank on the arse was my Mom’s weapon of choice but the truth is, Mom lacked the upper body strength to do any real damage so it was a pretty cushy punishment. We DID cry however. We had to. If we didn’t cry, Mom would get even angrier and pass the punishment on to my Dad…and THAT was a different story.



My Dad was what I called “Team Omega Strike”. He was the last line of defense in our house. The key to survival was keeping below Dad’s radar. We could pretty much do what we wanted as long as we didn’t go so far as to frustrate Mom into tears. Once that happened, well let’s just say, my Dad had plenty of upper body strength. Not to mention a huge WWE Championship style belt around his waist. Why would they make belts that big back then?! Bastards!

Don’t get me wrong, my Dad rarely spanked us. He didn’t have too. Just the threat of it scared the hell out of us. If we ever got too cocky with the old man, he would just lean back in his chair and tap his belt buckle and we would run for the goddamn hills.

Now THAT’S Pavlovian conditioning!

Vlog #6 - Revenge of the Younglings

Vlog #5 Feeding Time at the Zoo

Vlog #4 Dian Fossey ain't got Nothin' on ME!!

Fathers Day - Open House

Hey Dads!

I just wanted to give you a heads up and let you all know that the Trafalgar Brewing Co. is having its annual Fathers Day - Open House!

They will be serving free samples of their amazing beer, giving tours and dedicating a unique batch brewed just for Fathers Day. Yum!



So if you’re a Dad, have a Dad or know a Dad, who enjoys a tasty brew, come out to The Trafalgar Brewing Co. on Fathers Day (Sunday June 21st) from Noon to 5pm

Click on the link and check out their website for more info on the TBC.

Trafalgar Brewing Co.

Cheers!

Mothers Day

Well, today is Mother’s Day and as a tribute to my awesome wife, I thought I would dedicate this post to her.



Let’s face it fellas, as amazing as Dads are, we cannot hold a candle to Mom. The giver of life, the kisser of boo-boo’s…you get the picture. Even though I spend all day with our kids, the moment Mom walks in the door it’s like Justin Timberlake walking through a Japanese High School…Freakin’ Mayhem! Then it’s like “Dad? Who’s Dad?”

But that’s cool. I don’t mind. No, really.

I don’t know about the Mom in your life but if we didn’t have my wife (Nickie) around. This place would fall faster than Gerald Ford getting off of Air Force One (heh-heh). But seriously…flowers, cards, chocolates, and breakfast in bed are all great but let’s not stop there. Putting out the garbage, making the bed, doing the laundry…these little things add up and Moms appreciate the little things just as much as the rest…sometimes, even more.

So, here’s to you Sweetie, thank you for all the crap you put up with. For all the times I “Forget” to mow the lawn, put away my tools, and all the rest.

I now we don’t say it enough, but the kids and I really appreciate everything you do and we love you very much. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Side note: As I’m posting this, I can hear my wife putting away the pots and pans that I used for breakfast. Gotta go!

Kids + Beer = FUN!

Hey Dads! Are you at home with the kids all day with no clue what to do?

Well here’s a nifty idea that’s fun for you AND the kids! – The Beer Store!

Yup, you heard right, The Beer Store. Now you can get rid of that mountain of empties just cluttering up your garage while spending some quality time with the little ones. And here’s the best part! Kids, although small in size, are pretty good at carrying things so don’t be afraid to put them to work.


While you get the kids to load up the car, I suggest that you limit them to carrying no more than a six pack at a time. Anything larger than that, you run the risk of broken bottles and you can kiss that sweet deposit goodbye.

Some folks may give you weird looks at the beer store and the cashier may be thinking “What a low-life bum” but trust me, the kids will be grateful for the adventure and glad that Daddy has his “Happy Tonic”.


When you’re all done, sit back, relax and have a cold brew. You’ve earned it, Super Dad!

Daughters

Thanks to fellow Dad, Marty Savoy for sending me this poem he found about Daughters.

Marty is a proud Father of 3 amazing girls. His plan is to have 7 or 8 daughters to increase the chance that one of them will take care of him in his old age ;)

…now THAT’S thinking!



Daughters are the special gifts from god that can never be equalled
The moment they are put in your arms they become your life
They are the special angels on earth that guide you through life
They never leave your mind and are always in your heart

A smile from you daughter lights up your world
If you are lucky you will have more than one
You watch them play, learn, and even cry
You live your life through their eyes

You don’t want them to grow up, but are so proud when they do
You cherish every moment of every stage of their lives
And look forward to the next

Daughters are the true angles on earth.

Stay at Home Dad Workout - With Gavin McInnes

Dad Quotes

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.
~Jimmy Piersal

...and lastly,

A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown

Vlog #3 Black Easter

Vlog #2 Boys VS Girls

Vlog #1 Intro..

"Dad"...TV's biggest joke.

Hey folks!

This is a quote from a site I came across called Elite Dad. This site boasts that their program can change the way you act as a Dad with 52 weeks worth of mentoring sessions.

Now I’m not going to debate the validity of this company or their program. For all I know, this is the best thing to happen to Dads since Bill Cosby.

I just wanted to quote an excerpt from their site that rang true to me.

”Dads have been turned into Duds. Many of today’s modern fathers act like they are neutered. Again, look at the average family sitcom – the Father is almost always a bumbling idiot, laughed at by his wife, tolerated by his children and pitied for his powerlessness.”

Honestly, I’ve been saying this for years. Al Bundy, Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, Willie Tanner…etc
As much as these buffoons made me laugh over the years, I often thought of the damage that’s being done to the family unit due to these “Primetime” invasions into homes all across North America.

I’m just as bad as the next guy when it comes to falling into the comfort zone of being an idiotic yet lovable family mascot. It has become increasingly easy to just “Blame Dad” for the inane episodes that occur in a family’s life, when that’s all we see…and perceive as truth.

Perhaps it’s time for the resurrection of Ward Cleaver, Cliff Huxtable, and Charles Ingalls.

Hell, I’d even settle for Tony Soprano.

-Steve

Jon Lajoie - Stay at Home dad

Great Song and Vid! -Steve

Pre-Easter Fun

A little pre-Easter fun with the girls.

www.familyshoppingbag.com/easter_printables.htm

Now, I should mention that I only used the "idea" from the above site.
I made these ears bigger and attached pink construction paper instead of
having them coloured in.
Also, I used staples...not glue. -S

...REAL men use staples.